Greetings, citizens.
I'm Space Ghost with an important announcement to make.
Ahem.
We're broke.
That's right.
The Space Ghost coast to coast show is out of cash.
So tonight, our regular show has been pre-immunized for a special
Space Ghost telethon.
If you love me or have ever loved me or ever plan to love me in the future,
I urge you tonight to please stay tuned.
Pledge generously to help keep the ghost alive!
You see, folks, high-tech computer animation like this costs money.
How much? I don't know.
But trust me, it's one heck of a lot, and we're wiped out cleaner
than a fat man's eating hand.
So I turn to you, the viewers, in my quarter-hour of need.
I know you folks will call the numbers flashing on the screen below
and pledge your undying support, because you have a jug o' love for me,
and you're thirsty for what I got!
This is shameful, even to me.
It's just so wrong.
Ahem.
Ahem!
Why, look, everybody!
The council of doom is here!
They'll be standing by to take your flood of calls.
Yes. And every $20 pledge yes. And every $20 pledge receives a kissy-kiss
from yours truly!
Really?
Yes. Come over here, tanny!
Come a little closer.
I want to smell what you've been eating all day!
Mmm. Liverwurst.
Divine!
Oh, and thick-sliced cross cut of bologna.
How fragrant.
Oh, you... I'd pay 20 bucks to hear lokar shut up!
And you need to get over yourself, lover!
Our goal tonight is a mere $17.5 million.
Tell me, Space Ghost, you oafish, lunkheaded clod-pate.
Do you truly believe that you can raise that much wampum in such a paltry
amount of time?
Yes, indeedy!
I'm going to start us off by donating the proceeds from the sale of 3 pints
of my super space blood.
Moltar, let's go to the big board.
Woo whee.
And I'm sure we'll be adding it up with our first performer,
so make that pledge now, folks, while we bring on funnyman Pete Michael.
Ooh! Ahh!
Thank you. Ghost planet, how are you?
Space Ghost, very good to see you.
It's great to be here, ladies and gentlemen.
You, too, zorak.
Don't you even look at me!
But, uh, ghost planet.
Boy, this is something.
I can't believe I got a flight up here.
But it's great to be anywhere.
I tell you, the club I was working at last week,
big jehovah witness convention at the hotel I was staying at.
And you know what I did?
I went out after my show... Went to...Ah... Sorry.
Well, now. Wasn't that... Pete Michael, everyone.
Space Ghost!
Somebody just called, and they want to donate a billion dollars!
What's their name?
Seymour heinie.
Thank you so much, Seymour.
Well, I guess we can wrap things up here.
You idiot!
It was a prank call!
Uh...Oh. Oh.
I am now rescinding my "thank you."
Council, accept no more calls from the heinie family.
Moltar, next performer, tout sweetie!
Greetings, citizen next performer.
Greetings.
Argh! 'Tis a scurvy pirate.
Aah! Ooh!
He's not a pirate, stupid.
Actually, I'm dressed out of the renaissance period... A humanistic revival
of art, literature, and learning in Europe, which occurred during the 14th
through 16th centuries.
Tell me something I don't know.
Can I show you some juggling while I'm here?
Juggling! Oh, boy!
Do it!
Do some juggling!
Look!
He's honestly juggling!
Come on, folks. Isn't this worth at least a few million?
Ooh, watch him juggle!
Hey, wait a second.
The total just went down $5.00.
Uh, I know. I..
Just rented Barb wire.
I hear it's awesome.
Oh, I want to see that.
It's rated "r", Brak.
Aw, poop.
Oh!
Greetings... Citizens!
Oops!
Obscene bird call!
Oops!
Obscene bird call!
Are you getting enough oxygen?
Look, birdman, I'm in the middle of my telethon right now.
You know, tad, don't you think it's ironic that when I ask for money,
it's called begging, that when I ask for money, it's called begging,
but when you drop to your knees, it's called a telethon?
Yeah. How about that?
Ain't that something?
I got something I can do for your telethon.
How about I decorate your back window with a little of my special guano?
How about if I throw some corn on the floor and you peck it up
with your mouth?
That's okay, birdman.
I'll do it. I like corn.
I'm out of here.
Um... Uh, let's keep things moving.
Uh, Moltar, how about another guest?
Moltar!
Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for... Uh, Bob and robby.
Hey. How you doing?
Um, your little friend just, um, talked.
"Little friend?"
Who's he talking to?
It's a puppet!
A puppet?
Did you say "a puppet?"
Yes. Puppet.
Puppet. Talk.
Talk. Talk. Talk.
Aah! The puppet talks!
Aah! Zorak, the puppet talks!
Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
1, 2, 3.
Ah. Bless you, Santa.
It's the juggler!
Aah!
Oh, black widow, please continue that shrieking, please continue
that shrieking, as it can't possibly be more annoying!
Now, I have a confession to make here.
I have never really figured out a way to stop this, so, uh, any ideas?
So, uh, any ideas?
Uh, let it fall on your head.
Yeah.
Do that.
Mmm, that might be dangerous.
Hey, throw them up really high and catch them in your mouth.
But be careful.
There we go.
Uh, hello!
Council of doom, any calls?
No!
Well, then, I guess we can take a break for some commercial messages.
Telethons don't have commercials.
And bugs don't talk, zorak, and bugs don't talk, zorak,
So welcome to the asylum!
And we're back.
Moltar, how are the phones?
Silent, like crabs.
Yes, like crabs.
What can I do to save this Turkey?
Council of doom...
Give me your money!
No. I shan't give you a shekel.
Ooh, no!
Ok. Here's my allowance.
You still owe me money.
Ah, there it is again, the acrid putrocity of tansut's chronic halitosis!
Shut that stench-hole, or I shall gag!
Ghost planet, how are you?
Space Ghost, very good to see you.
Pete Michael, everybody.
It's great to be here.
Good to see you.
You, too, zorak.
Yuck.
But, um... Man, ghost planet.
Finally. Finally get to be on ghost planet.
Phones are open, folks.
I can't believe I got a flight up here.
But, uh, God, I keep forgetting about that jehovah witness thing.
Nice try, freak.
I'm sorry. I was off my mark anyway.
* Tonight * ooh phones are open, folks.
You see, these drops are falling in between these lines here,
and you might want to keep an eye out for this big "h,"
because that's where heaven is.
Well, we can do viva Las Vegas, but we, uh, I have it on cassette.
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to blast you, because we're not
getting any calls, and you're the nearest scapegoat.
Ok.
Well, what else can I say, except... Ladies and gentlemen...
Oh, no!
Pete Michael.
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome!
Thank you, ghost planet.
It's great to see everyone-- even you, zorak.
Shine on, you crazy diamond.
Phones are open, folks.
Guys, we cannot pick up women in fast food restaurants.
There is only one person who could pick up a girl at the salad bar
in burger king.
That person, of course, is... Pete Michael!
Pete Michael?
You, Pete Michael!
Pete Michael!
Kramer from seinfeld.
Kramer!?
Oh boy, an impression!
You see, he's going to act like Kramer from seinfeld,
but he's really not.
Ah, what a gyp.
Cucumbers.
Roughage.
Cool!
So can I buy you a pie?
Aah!
I've never done anything where absolutely nobody laughs.
Welcome to Space Ghost coast to coast.
Oh, they're laughing, all right.
Space Ghost!
There's a call!
Is it one of those heinies?
Um, yes.
Aah! That's it!
I've had it with you people!
I do this hindenburg of a talk show each and every week,
and where does it get me?
Humiliation city, population one.
Listen up, tv land.
If you don't give me all your money, I'm... Going to... Uh...Shoot Brak!
I didn't do anything bad!
I don't want to be shot!
What am I doing?
Brak, I am sorry.
It's ok, Space Ghost.
It is? Well, then... Wait! Wait! Don't--ow!
Yow! That smarts.
There! See?
See what you people made me do?
10... 9...8... 7... 6... 5...4... 3...2...1!
3...2...1!
Happy new year!
Celebrate!
Oh, mama!
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on, come on come on!
Yes! Yes!
Wh-wh-what?
But th-th-that's impossible, Moltar, because we... Well, the big board
cost 15 thou.
Then there's the added phone lines, teamsters, catering from taco king.
The blue screen for the comedian, that cost 10 grand, plus he took a cab.
The weather graphics, Barb wire rental, the council's fees,
and, oh yeah, the $80,000 ming dynasty vase Brak is about to knock over.
Take this, ming.
I'm sick of your dynasty!
Take this, ming.
I'm sick of your dynasty!
Moltar, what's going on?
Um, they cut the power.
Hey, let's all take off our masks.